Well Armed

When the SWAT vehicle picked me up, I was most scared of losing was my son. It’s a terrifying thought, a fear that’s universal across parent and gender. The second thing that scared me, was my attraction to one of the presumably male officers. It hadn’t happened a lot in my life, but it had happened. I didn’t really expect to have to share my sexuality as part of my story, but here it is, uncomfortably and awkwardly intertwined. I’m not exactly sure what it was about this particular cop- other than a special blend of eyebrow, muscles and uniform. I’ll probably never know, but I mean, wow- am I right girls?

I didn’t expect my come out to be on a nonprofit newspaper in what I consider to be the most homophobic city in Broome County. The last time I tried to tell my family about this, I found myself in the Psychiatric center. My white privilege is that I got to leave. I knew that as soon as I challenged my intake, I’d be released. I also knew that I had a safe haven.

A place that felt safe. Somewhere that was tucked faraway from reckless doctors and favor traders.  My hometown is small and country, but my family here is more than just friends with the mayor, they are the mayor…

In this town, we all know that my coming out party in “no way resembles the makings of an invitation to start texting about boys to any of my female aunts, or cousins. I’m also not telling Dad, who hasn’t been reading along; it’s just not happening.  Anyway, the point is, we don’t really talk about uncomfortable things, it’s probably a bit like most families. We all tend to politely tiptoe around things that make use uncomfortable – some of us tiptoe with tenderness, other with a more explosive bass. I’ll proudly subscribe to the latter beat, anytime it’s the truth.

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